Brit [Brit] 's Review :
Before I review this story, I just want to say SORRY for taking such a LONG time to critique this story. I know you asked to get the critique WEEKS ago ... but school work was just stressing me out and some days, I just wasn't in the mood to read and write a long review for anything.
But ... I got finished with all my homework earlier, and here I am now ...
on to the review ....
Psychology, eh ? Hmmm ... I like how that sounds and I wonder how you're going to incorporate that into the story. . .
Wow ! Very NICE description of Pudgey ... he sounds like everything UGLY. Very fat man ... thick hands, thick body ... and just ugh ! I like the details. You made his appearance very clear.
Now, who is this other character waiting for him ? He sounds like a hardcore THUG. Pudgey shouldn't have messed with his money. I guess he deserved what was coming. You just don't go behind someone's back like that and start effin' with they money like that. People hold that shit DEAR.
I like how you described the man's life AND death reaction when he was getting shot and when he actually GOT shot. I liked how you had him shoot his hands up as if surrendering. I also like how you added the blood trickling through the gaps on the sidewalk after he got shot. Very graphic detail ... but it's adding a lasting effect on me.
ooo ! so THAT'S how it's connected to psychology ... I got ya ... I notice that in like, some of your other stories too [ well, in skateboard heaven ( I believe that's what it was called) ]. You have like, some minor detail in the chapter, then like, at the end, you bring back that detail and reinforce it to make it the MOST important aspect in that chapter.
Loved the first part of the story ... on to the second
=)
Brit [Brit]
Ok, Munee ... this is the part that I hate to do ... but then again, I'd like to share it with you just so you would know ...
The text size is really a strain for me. It's way too small for me to even try to read. Usually, when the text is this small, I wouldn't read any part of the story, but eh ... I decided to read the intro/chapter just because you dropped the link in the critique section and I felt dedicated to atleast read some of the story even if it took me WEEKS to get to it.
Blah.
Unfortunately, I'm not going to read the rest of the story just because of the strain on my eyes trying to read it.
