Your Name :Aledrah aka lele
Your age : 17
Title of your story : Sakura Kisses
Website where story is located [ direct link me to your story ] :
Your screen name on the site : Artistic_Le16
Chapters : just 2
Posts [ how many POSTS or REPLIES have people made to your story ] : 4
Your EMAIL address [ so I can EMAIL you the critique if problems may occur ] :Artistic_writer16@hotmail.com

Alright, what I'll review/critique your story first. Like I always do, I'm going to post the critique on this site and then post it on the original site.

Brit [Brit]'s Review:

I'm in LOVE with that banner. The colors are just GORGEOUS. I love it dude.

Ok, for the intro.

Poor Petey, he's being called names just because of his sexual orientation. That's sad, but hey, that's life--high school life for him. I'm glad that he DOES have a male friend that doesn't seem to really judge him, which is always good.

I like your incorporation of Japanese words into the story. I feel like you're introducing us to a new type of culture/language. That's always nice.

One thing that really kind of urked me with the first intro is that there are a lot of typos in it. I tried ignoring them, but they're just too obvious and too demanding of my attention. It was sort of hard to read it just because of the mistakes.

Like, the boy's names should always be capitalized. It was hard for me to get past that part. Then, try to insert some commas in your sentences because some of them are passing as run-ons. Some of your sentences were cut off in a paragraph and they continued into another paragraph. Then, the tab/indent thing went too happy and the last sentence in the update is positioned all the way to the other side.

But blah ... this is only the first chapter so I'm sure that everything will get better.

=)

Review for next chapter coming soon ...

Brit [Brit]

Brit [Brit]'s Review:

Hmmm ... oh yea, I forgot to mention in my first review that I absolutely ADORE the title of this story. I think of little lemon drops or some colorful raindrops.

Don't ask why. But just know that I love the title.

Now, with the second update, there really isn't much of anything that exciting going on, but it's okay cuz I can see that you're still trying to set up the story and all. Trying to give us background on some of the characters so it can help us determine their personality traits and such.

So, her daddy smokes? I don't like smoking or even the freaking IDEA of it. I don't know why people really do it. They're just harming their insides. Their lungs are toxic WASTE material. Anyway ...

Um, again, I do see some typos but blaaaahh, I'm too lazy to get all into it. Just know that your sentences are getting cut off again, your capitilization isn't really on point, and some other things. Just proofread your story before you send it. It makes it a hell of a lot easier for readers to READ and actually UNDERSTAND a story when everything is neat, clean, and not full of typos.

Is that Ashlee Simpson in the character banner? I LOVE her. The banners are still cute.

Um ... that's all I think I have to say. If you want me to continue reviewing/critiquing this story, then just continue to fill out a form on C-X to have your story critiqued.

=)

Again, I'm going to have this critique on the site and also post it on here.

Brit [Brit]

Alright, your story has been critiqued fully .... now, here's the part where I give your ENTIRE story that I've read a rating.

The rating is on a scale from 1-10.

1 is the worst.
10 is the best.

From reading your story, I like that it's taking on a different type of feel with the Japanese words, but just because you have that in the story doesn't make it good. I mean, I don't want to come off rude or mean or anything like that. I'm just saying, yea, it's cool to have something a bit different in the story, but just because you have that doesn't automatically make it the best thing in the world.

My rating for your story is a 5.

Just work on your grammer, punctuation, capitilization, and add a bit more detail. Write something to really pull the readers in. I wasn't that excited to read the story just because nothing really stood out to me yet. Yes, I know the story is still in its birth, however, I think there still needs to be something there that will make me say, I want to go back and read that story; I want to become a faithful and loyal reader. The only thing that's pulling me into that story now is the title and that first, main banner.